she's everything all i ever wanted or is she what i made myself to believe. i dont know.
but what is clear to me now is,

i love her, every lil bits of her. her perfections of inperfections. nothing have ever felt like this before. nothing i ever felt has come stronger than this. im lost, loving her with everything i've got.

i enjoy every seconds of the time i spent with her. theres nothing i want to do without her. but always things doesnt seem as calm as the surface. theres is always something deeper, but it doesnt help if you find out more.

what i do know is theres a distraction in her life, if i can help it i would get it out myself but theres nothing more i can do but accept it. theres just something in life that u just have to finish. it will only felt finished when u done going thru it. so the saying goes, "if u let love go & it comes back then its meant to be".

im keeping my fingers crossed whn the day comes for me. i only wish i will be able to take whatevers gona come my way. i can promised to wait but so what if the bus doesnt comes back for me. should i go or should i stay. stay with the feeling that "what if its coming in 5 mins" or go on with my life & hoping something best comes next.

for now i want to hold on to my happiness and that happiness is u, ger.

its you.

Gina.

Would you look at her
She looks at me
She's got me thinking about her constantly
But she don't know how I feel
And as she carries on without a doubt
I wonder if she's figured out
I'm crazy for this girl

One mile to every inch of
Your skin like porcelain
One pair of candy lips and
Your bubblegum tongue

Something 'bout the way your hair
falls in your face
I love the shape you take when crawling
towards the pillowcase
You tell me where to go and
Though I might leave to find it
I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it

She was the one to hold me
The night
The sky fell down
And what was I thinking when
The world didn't end
Why didn't I know what I know now

You are in my heart
I can feel your beat
And you move my mind
From behind the wheel
And I lose control
I can only breathe your name
I can only breathe your name

Time reali flies, its been almost a year since i have enlisted & today marks the day my man, Azfar turn to join the fun. haha trust me its a whole lot of fun, BMT is the onli time u wld enjoy ur army life. Think of it as army daze, best part is you in it.

as im typing away, i guess right now azfar's parents is touring ard the premises of BMTC sch 1. while Azfar is siting at some corner awaiting to exchange his pink I/C for a GREEN!!! one. haha its no turning back from then on. well its gona be another 2 weeks or so before we see the dude. i wish him gd luck.

Yesterday, me, azfar, mazlan, ganesh, ganesh gf & frens went clubbing at Cheeky Monkeys coz Azfar's day is numbering. he is 2 days away from enlistment, i sure can understand how it feels so we decide to go clubbing to celebrate his special day & me & mazlan had taken friday off to keep the dude company & spend some good times together. Its all for the brother.

so we had a fantastic time yesterday at CM, for those who hafnt seen gorillaz doing pole dance, i wld recommend u head down to cheeky monkeys for this once in a life time experience. trust me its worth it.

back to today's happening, me, azfar & mazlan met up in the morning & we headed down to late Fhame's grave. yeah its been five month already, still cant pass a day without having my man in my mind. things wld had been so much better with Fhame still ard but i guess god (if theres one) had other plans for him. i resent that but theres nothing i can do.

after our visit, we headed down to Jurong Point for our lunch, thank god coz i was starving & i was feeling that good. after lunch, azfar bring us along to do his errands before we finali hit the road to beach road & did some last minute shopping. ganesh met up with us after our lil shopping trip.

so from beach road, we headed down to town again to have dinner & a few rounds of pool while we waited for ganesh's gf. it was getting late & azfar wanted to get home to pack his stuff for the big day so we parted way with ganesh & the three of us shoot straight home. it was quality time for the three of us.

_brothers in the hood

shibby~~~

its officially 3 months since me & my ger got together. its not exactly long but the past 3 month has been the most wonderful & traumatic experience in my entire life. all in a good way, i would add.

It hasnt been all easy without any arguments, & like any other couples we have our fair share of fights & disagreements. all the while, we are still getting to know one another better & falling deeper for each other. Things might not always go your way when we dont see the issues eye to eye but a healthy balance of compromise wld help the situation.

the last week hasnt been the most smooth sailing of our r/s & i hope the break we gets now from her school trip in KL wld help us see things clearly. At least now i know what i want & i certainly hope everything wld be fine. where we appreciate each other company so much & simply enjoy ourselves.

1 thing for sure im learning to love in a manner i hadnt been able to do in a long time. its coming back now, the feeling & i really hope we gona last.

i love my baby ger. 3 more days til i see her again.

Your present
While we often think we are aware of all that is happening in our lives, sometimes the card we choose regarding the Present provides deeper insight than we are able to tap into on our own. Carefully consider the Tarot's following assessment of your present, and see what the cards are trying to teach you about situations occurring in your life right now.

The Empress










The Empress represents the primary influence on the current state of your life. Right now, in your present, you may be entering into a cycle of great abundance in some area of your life. The Empress brings peace and contentment. She is the Earth Mother, providing you with care and comfort. Getting this card in this position is a sign that happiness can be yours right now. Beware of indecision and disinterest in life. Instead, take initiative, and allow the Empress to lead you into a time of great prosperity.

The Empress is the fourth card in the Major Arcana. In this card, the Empress has twelve stars on her crown, representing each of the Zodiac signs. Her heart-shaped shield symbolizes the planet Venus' resonant love and affection. She is surrounded by signs of nature, including the wheat chaffs at her feet and the forest surrounding her. This card represents abundance and great happiness. The Empress is Mother Nature, representing fertility, a thriving romantic relationship, and life contentment. She is your nurturing, mothering side, bringing you comfort and peace.There are a number of ways this card could be playing out right now.

Some possibilities include:
You may have an abundance of love in your life, or be at the height of your fertility.
Perhaps you have enough money to take care of all your basic needs and reasonable desires.
You may be experiencing great physical comfort and receiving plenty of nurturing for your mind and body.


Your past
Understanding our past decisions and situations can help us derive more from the lessons life is trying to teach us. It's never too late to acknowledge the truths of our past and bring that wisdom into our present and future.

The High Priestess

The High Priestess exerted a significant impact on your past. This means that at some point in your past, you were likely guided by your own wisdom and intuition. Because you had implicit trust in your own emotions, you may have developed a keen sixth sense, giving you the ability to see beyond the surface of people and situations. Your ability to trust your gut instincts, and the reactions it elicited from others, brought you to the point you're at today.

The High Priestess symbolizes profound wisdom. In this card she holds a holy book; the fact that the book is partially hidden represents that the truth is only partially visible. The crescent moons on her crown and at her feet symbolize the power of your intuition. The High Priestess herself represents your psychic third eye, which allows you to see more than your physical eyes can detect. This card calls for trust in intuition and spiritual inspiration, and faith in the mystery of the unseen. She is a sign that it is time to listen to your inner voice and rely less on analytical thinking. If you follow this suggestion, she can help you get in touch with your hidden talents.

This card may have affected the overall tenor of your life, or just a particular area. Following are a few possibilities for how you experienced these influences in your past:
You may have been able to see dynamics in your family that others were oblivious to, and been able to trust the truth of your emotions.
In your social life, you may have found that you chose to become friends with people based on criteria that was beyond their superficial qualities.
You may have entered into love openly, because you knew you could trust your instincts.Now that the Tarot has offered its insight into your past and your present, it's time to look forward into the world of what's yet to happen. Read on to see what the cards predict for your near future.


Your future
Knowing what may be coming up in our future allows us to prepare ourselves for the unexpected. The card that represents your future will reveal which lessons are coming up next in your life. You may learn that you're about to enter into a particularly fruitful or easy time, or the cards may predict that you're about to be confronted with the opportunity to learn some of life's more challenging lessons. We each have lessons to learn, and if we avoid them, the cards tell us that they will simply reappear until they are addressed. When life lessons come your way, allow the cards' insight to guide your way as you work through these challenges. Keep in mind that if you successfully learn your lessons, you can then move on to new ones.

The Moon

Your future, as it currently stands, is represented by the third card you chose. The Moon is the card of the imagination. At some point soon, you may find yourself embarking on a period of rich imagination and exciting psychic development. A surprising turn of events may evoke intense feelings. When the situation presents itself, remember that The Moon's influence may be leading you to blow things out of proportion. Remember that things aren't always the way they seem.

The Moon represents imagination. In this card a wild wolf and tamed dog both howl at the full moon. The pool of water below them signifies both the unconscious mind and the imagination. The two pillars in the background represent the duality between good and evil. The Moon card is a sign that unforeseen events are in motion. Emotions are intensified under The Moon's influence, as are dreams and psychic powers. If you sense that a big change is coming, and that somehow things aren't quite what they seem, The Moon is a sign that your intuition is probably right.

More than any other step of life's journey, this card represents the lessons you must learn and the experiences in store for you in your upcoming karmic destiny. This may impact you in any number of ways, including:
An emotionally rich and connected relationship.
A project or career that allows you to stretch your imagination.
A new stage in your relationship with your family, which may initially bring with it intense emotions.

Today wednesday 7th sept Day no. 4, as of now 4 more days to go before my princess comes back. The past 4 days hasnt been the easiest but phone calls & msgs from sweet pull me thru the day. At some point, the loneliness & emptyness were jus so hard to bear, it feels like a thousand pins in my heart.

ouch..

luckily, my pal azfar & mazlan was there. we hang out & catch up with each other, got the chance to distract myself. i jus need some gd companionship and the day wld be so much easier to bear. without my pals, where wld i be.

on a separate note, my bud azfar is finali enlisting this sat, so me & mazlan has taken this friday off in celebration of his path to manhood. lol.. wat else can i say, azfar u r gona be a man real soon!! welcome to the club of poverty, where man work their butt off & get paid worse than our avg blangadeshi worker. u gona don the dreaded green uniform & 'chiong' up the hill screaming your nuts off. haha i wld love to be there to see that brada.

its been abt a year plus since we gotten back together & hung out. u, me, fhame, mei, pearly, mazlan, maisarah, radhiyah, fadzalie, hamdan & kelvin. And now, its me, u and mazlan with the ocassionally mei, pearly, maisarah, radhiyah, fadzalie, hamdan & kelvin. how we wished our great pal fhame is still here with us.

allah bless his soul.

anyway we will make sure we party us arse off on thurs then we gona chill with fhame on fri. so looking forward to it. at least now my mind is occupied but i still miss my princess so much. cant wait for the witch to get back.

shibbyy~~

its been 10 hrs since my baby ger left for her school performance trip in KL. The best thing, sweetie gonna be there for a week. its gonna be the longest time we be apart. im so missing her rite now, its crazy. im goin nuts knowing for the next 168 hrs i'll be without her.

i cant believe day 1 of my suffering hasnt even begin, 5 working days 1 weekend to go and i wont even be able to have her for 24 hrs before another work week is gona start. this is crazy no one shld be allow to put thru this kind of mental torture.

arghhh..................

who am i gona hug to sleep?? my dog...........

whos gona kiss me to bed?? my dog..............

poor dog of mine.

7 days to go before baby is back. in the mean time im gona go scrub my arse clean for her.

i love my ger to bits.

Brother
Azfar
Gina